Monday, December 31, 2012

#107

My load is so big, if I stand atop the One Times Square Building, I can get everyone in Times Square wet.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

#106

My load is so big, in Little Alchemy, once you have 349 elements, you combine them all to make "My Load."

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

#105

My load is so big, I never have to dream of a white Christmas, I just make it happen.

Monday, December 24, 2012

#104

My load is so big, my second coming hasn't happened yet because I still haven't finished coming for the first time.

Friday, December 21, 2012

#103


My load is so big, I need a garbage bag for a reservoir tip.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

#102

My load is so big, I never have to shovel my driveway.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

#101


My load is so big, all of the non-active volcanoes are non-active because I came inside them.

Monday, December 17, 2012

#100


My load is so big I've only ejaculated twice throughout history: once to create the big bang and again to cause the extinction of the dinosaurs. My third e-jack will take place on December 21st.

Friday, December 14, 2012

#99


My load is so big, I can fill a cement truck.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

#98


My load is so big, you could surf it from California to Hawaii.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

#97


My load is so big, if I called a phone sex line & stayed on the phone until I was completely done, it'd cost $1200.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

#96


My load is so big, I can hit the ceiling of the NASA Vehicle Assembly building.

Monday, December 10, 2012

#95


My load is so big, I donated sperm for extra X-mas money--I had to go in March so I was done ejaculating by December.

Friday, December 7, 2012

#94


My load is so big, when I knock up a chick, the baby starts out already in the 2nd trimester.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

#93


My load is so big, I've always come to the right place.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

#92


My load is so big, I did a porno and the gag reel was three hours long.

Monday, December 3, 2012

#91


My load is so big, the condom backfires.

Friday, November 30, 2012

#90


My load is so big, I can hit the top of the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

#89


My load is so big, I can literally shoot the moon.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

#88


My load is so big, the one time I washed out this chick's IUD.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

#87


My load is so big, it has its own congressman.

Monday, November 26, 2012

#86


My load is so big, when I donated sperm they had to pay me with an annuity.

Friday, November 23, 2012

#85


My load is so big, I can cum onto a turbine and power Las Vegas for a night.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

#84


My load is so big, if I masturbate into a urinal, I can dissolve an entire urinal cake.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

#83


My load is so big, before I cum, I have to put myself on an I.V. so I don’t die from dehydration.

Monday, November 19, 2012

#82


My load is so big, I can skydive without a parachute.

Friday, November 16, 2012

#81


My load is so big, in order for me to not have an erection lasting more than four hours, I have to ejaculate within five minutes of getting hard.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

#80


My load is so big, me wearing a condom would be like using an umbrella during a hurricane.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

#79


My load is so big, my shower drains into a pipeline.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

#78


My load is so big, I have to take a protein supplement after I ejaculate.

Monday, November 12, 2012

#77


My load is so big, when I donate sperm, there's usually more cum on the ceiling than in the specimen cup.

Friday, November 9, 2012

#76


My load is so big, the National Weather Service names my loads.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

#75


My load is so big, I can clog an outhouse.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

#74


My load is so big, I can fill a subway tunnel

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

#73


My load is so big, it's worth 100 electoral votes.

Monday, November 5, 2012

#72


My load is so big, I can fill up a whole sleeve of Red Solo Cups.

Friday, November 2, 2012

#71


My load is so big, I got a lap dance from a stripper once, I precame in my pants and I impregnated her.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

#70


My load is so big, I can ejaculate from the back row of a university classroom and hit the chalkboard.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

#69


My load is so big, I keep a bottle of Drain-o on my shower caddy.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

#68


My load is so big, the mother from “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape” couldn't even finish it.

Monday, October 29, 2012

#67


My load is so big, one of my bang sessions looks like the World Series winning team's champagne celebration.

Friday, October 26, 2012

#66


My load is so big, it makes a "thud" sound when it hits the ground.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

#65


My load is so big, when I don’t wear a condom, I prematurely ejaculate…and my girlfriend still cums three times.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

#64


My load is so big, I have a dumpster at my house that gets emptied twice a week.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

#63


In the “Radioactive Man” Simpsons episode, the part where Rainier Wolfcastle says, “The goggles, they do nothing!”—-That’s what my load looks like.

Monday, October 22, 2012

#62


My load is so big, Tom Arnold tried marrying it.

Friday, October 19, 2012

#61


My load is so big, when I donated sperm, it bumped me up two tax brackets.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

#60


My load is so big, I have to tie a red flag onto my dick.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

#59


My load is so big, I could have put out the Great Chicago Fire…with my precum.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

#58


My load is so big, I can give a woman a pearl belt.

Monday, October 15, 2012

#57


My load is so big, when I finish banging a chick, my room is messier than the Double Dare set.

Friday, October 12, 2012

#56


My load is so big, when I finished banging my prom date, we went to our five year reunion.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

#55


My load is so big, I masturbated in the bathroom of a greyhound bus and I made the bus do a wheelie.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

#54


My load is so big, I impregnated a woman by having phone sex with her.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

#53


My load is so big, if I came through the college football field uprights, the Allstate hands would need a towel.

Monday, October 8, 2012

MLB Playoff Special Pt. 2


#52 - My load is so big, it weighs more than Marge Schott.

#51 - My load is so big, it caused the earthquake at Candlestick Park.

#50 - My load is so big, it caused the market crash...I called it Wall Skeet.

#49 - My load is so big, it actually makes Baltimore smell pleasent.

And one more for good measure...

#48 - Despite how hard they sucked, not even could the Chicago Cubs swallow my load this year. (And they tried really, really hard).

Friday, October 5, 2012

MLB Playoff Special


#47 - My load is so big, if I'm at Comerica Park, I can still cum onto the nice parts of Michigan.

#46 - My load is so big, if I'm in Atlanta, I can hit all the buildings Ted Turner owns.

#45 - My load is so big, I made Texans stop saying "We like things big in Texas."

#44 - My load is so big, I'm the reason all of the buildings in Washington D.C. are white.

#43 - My load is so big, if I'm sitting in the twentieth row at Oakland Coliseum, I can still hit fair territory.

#42 - My load is so big I can cum over top the Gateway Arch.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

#41


My load is so big, my pre cum still floods half the village.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

#40


My load is so big, women have to put one of those suction straws, like the dentist has, in their mouths while blowing me.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

#39


My load is so big, I weighed in as a Heavyweight, but then I ejaculated and was down to a Welterweight.

Monday, October 1, 2012

#38


My load is so big, when I go to a sperm bank, the doctor can go on vacation and come back before I'm done.

Friday, September 28, 2012

#37


My load is so big, a quarter inch of every month's precipitation is my jizz.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

#36


My load is so big, instead of a sock, I need a Christmas stocking.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

#35


My load is so big, when I cum, it looks like someone popping a fire hydrant.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

#34


My load is so big, instead of "The Lovin' Spoonful," I named my band "The Lovin' End Loader Bucket Full."

Monday, September 24, 2012

#33


My load is so big, I could give the man on the moon a facial.

Friday, September 21, 2012

#32


In response to all the angry people that take religion way too seriously...
My load is so powerful, if I face Mecca, I can hit the Ka'aba.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

#31


My load is so big, when I joined the mile high club, the plane went down.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

#30


My load is so big, I jizzed in Canada once; ever since people keep coming forward with blurry pictures, claiming it's my load.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

#29


My load is so big, if I use a glory hole, I knock over all the stalls.

Monday, September 17, 2012

#28


My load is so big, I make women spit...when I do anal.

Friday, September 14, 2012

#27


My load is so big, since New York passed the ban on large drinks, it's illegal for restaurants to serve "My Load."

Thursday, September 13, 2012

#26


My load is so big, when I finish banging a chick, the condom is usually the thing with the least amount of cum in it.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

#25


My load is so big, women need a Tupperware container for a diaphragm.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

#24


My load is so big, it takes two semesters to cover all of it.

#23


My load is so big, it makes a shadow before it hits the ground.

Monday, September 10, 2012

#22


My load is so big, the Leaning Tower of Pisa is leaning because I came onto the side of it.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

#21


My load is so big, if you can finish it all in one sitting, it's free.

#20


My load is so big, I make women sign a waiver.

#19


My load is so big, there's an emergency shut-off valve on my dick.

#18


My load is so big, I have to change the vacuum cleaner bag every night.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

#17


My load is so big, women have to blow their nose after sucking me off.

#16


My load is so big, the last time I got road head, I caused an eighteen-car pile-up.

Friday, September 7, 2012

#15


My load is so big, I need the AIDS quilt for a jizz rag.

#14


My load is so big, when I cum, it looks like an elephant spraying water out of its trunk.

#13


My load is so big, I prematurely ejaculated once and I was still late for work the next morning.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

#12


My load is so big, I can last forty-five minutes in bed if you count the forty-three-and-a-half minutes it takes me to ejaculate.

#11


My load is so big, you have to sign for it.

#10


My load is so big, I am always within three minutes of a fire extinguisher.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

#9


My load is so big, it makes the scale at the truck weigh station read "error."

#8


My load is so big, I have a sump pump in every room of my house.

#7


If "My Load" was a soda size option at Seven-11, it'd make the Big Gulp look like a shot glass.

#6


My load is so big, the FDA made me tattoo nutrition facts on my dick.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

#5


My load is so big, I can fill a silo.

#4


My load is so big, when I jizz in my pants, my socks get wet.

#3


My load is so big, I can write my name in the snow.

#2


My load is so big, I went to a sperm bank & instead of a specimen cup, they had to give me a barrel.

#1


My load is so big, if I flush it, it makes the manhole covers fly off of the streets.